Post Post Remorse

Wow, am I ever ruminating about the IG post I shared yesterday of me gleefully trying on the glass cape I just made. It was a risky decision to post an unedited video of me being my full quirky, aging Zora. And sure enough, I proceeded to lose sleep about it and am considering taking the post down. Though dear friends reacted and commented, I think they were just being kind and supportive. Aaaach, you’d think I’d be integrating the advise I get from trusted social media helpers who warn me to be very mindful of how I present myself…”be careful about your sophistication level so you’re taken seriously for your art”. It sounds like such good advise if I want my work in galleries.

But then I remember the way things have unfolded for me in the best parts of life, and it was always by being fully myself, genuine, unguarded.  So, I’m mulling things over today, confused about what’s safe to share in order to be taken seriously. Example: I never know how much to share about “the big illness” struggles. It’s such a big part of my existence and plays a huge role in my art making, but I want the art to be good enough so that compassion (pity?) doesn’t play a role in peoples reaction to it. Should I say nothing about this massive Lymes struggle. After all, everyone suffers. Is it even helpful to others or myself to be more open about this health journey?

I have lofty aspirations for my art. And I constantly try to get my pride out of the way to see if the work could be meaningful to others. I just can’t tell if it is. Maybe it’s just not good enough to touch the hearts of others the way it touches mine. But I keep trying, spending time in that void, that creative realm where ideas are there for any of us to pluck like ripe fruit. I just wish I knew if the fruit I’m plucking is consumable, because my hunger for it to connect with humanity has been on the rise.